


glitter on your skin (it was so beautiful)

by strawbbun



Series: ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ateez ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ [5]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Breakups, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Teen Angst, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:28:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22535473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawbbun/pseuds/strawbbun
Summary: i care for you still, and i will forever.or"So... This is it, huh?" San spoke quietly, glancing at Jongho for a little too long."I guess it is,"
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Choi San
Series: ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ateez ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1338652
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	glitter on your skin (it was so beautiful)

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this like a year and a few months ago and i wanted to bring it back .
> 
> lets all cry together, shall we
> 
> this is white ferrari by frank ocean btw!!

_"bad luck to talk on these rides, mind on the road, your dilated eyes watch the clouds float, whiter ferrari"_

"You'll catch a cold if you keep doing that," San softly scolded as Jongho's torso stuck out through the sunroof. The younger always talked about how aesthetically pleasing it was to drive down empty roads, watching the sunset and San would do anything to fulfill Jongho's wishes.

Jongho's eyes were shut, though, as he tuned everything out, not able to bring himself to tell San what was on his mind. He distracted himself with the wind blowing through his dyed brown locks and almost cold air stinging his tinted pink cheeks. He stuck his arms out to his sides as Lover Is A Day by Cuco played through San's Bluetooth radio. He felt San's hand lightly tug on the hem of jacket, signaling him to come back into the car where the heater could warm up his frozen fingers. Jongho finally opened his eyes, hesitantly slipping back into San's ferarri that his parents had gotten him when he turned 19 back in July.

The sat in silence for a while, the soft hums of the radio filling in the empty void of silence between the two. It wasn't unusual for them to not talk during these long drives. Last time that happened, San almost ran off the side of the road from laughing so hard. But today, something felt different. Jongho was more distant than usual and San had noticed when he picked him up but chose not to speak on it. Right now was the perfect time to ask though.

"What's on your mind?" San asked just loud enough for Jongho to hear over the music. Jongho looked out the windshield. The sky was filled with oranges, pinks, reds, and purples. Those colors always reminded him of San, soft, caring, delicate San and that's when Jongho realized he couldn't tell him. Not yet at least.

"Nothing. Just thinking," Jongho lied through his teeth, forcing a small smile towards his boyfriend. San knew it was fake. He could tell a fake smile from a real smile, especially from Jongho But the younger looked like he was on the verge of crying if San pressed further, so San went with the only option he could think of. He softly grabbed Jongho's hand into his own making the younger look down at their interlaced fingers. 

Jongho was gonna miss this.

_"i didn't care to state the pain. kept my mouth shut, we're both so familiar."_

San walked Jongho up to the front steps of the younger's house, hand held loosely in the others. They stopped in front of the door, Jongho ready to drop San's hands and go in, but San just held his hand tighter. Jongho looked at San's expression curiously, looking as if the older held words right on the tip of his tongue.

"Jongho, you know how I feel about you keeping your emotions to yourself," San finally said making Jongho's face fall a bit. "You... You've been really distant lately and... I don't know. Just... You can talk to me if you need to, you know?"

Jongho paused for a second, quickly avoiding eye contact. "I know. Things are just complicated right now, but everything will be okay when I figure it out. I promise."

"You don't have to figure it out alone. I'm here, Jongho. I lov-" San cut himself off, hoping that Jongho didn't catch it, but the younger did.

"San..." San quickly dropped Jongho's hand, shaking his head.

"I know. I'm sorry. It slipped," San rushed out, stepping away from the younger. "I should probably go now. You know, parents and stuff,"

Jongho nodded slowly and he saw San smile, one that didn't quite form his eyes into those little moons that Jongho had grown to adore. Jongho felt an unusual pit in his stomach and he felt like just spilling everything to San, but now wasn't the time. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year, whichever was more convenient. 

Jongho watched as San walked down the steps and back towards his car and Jongho knew that he couldn't just let him go like this.

"Wait, San," Jongho jogged up to San, making the older turnaround, trying his best to hide his watery eyes. Jongho did it before his brain could overthink anything.

He placed his hands on either side of San's face, his thumb stroking the soft skin as he stared into the older's dark eyes. And before he knew it, their lips were locked together, feeling as if they were made for each other and yeah, it's a little cliche, but it was the truth. San was Jongho's light and Jongho was San's and that's just how things were.

They slowly pulled away from each other, nostalgia filling Jongho's mind as he remembered their first kiss and he knew that he probably couldn't live without San.

_"stuck by me, close by me. you were fine, you were fine here"_

"San, are you sure you wanna do this?" Jongho asked as he tried to catch his breath, arms loosely wrapped around San's neck as the older gazed down at him. Their bodies were pressed together, making them forget about that harsh weather outside. San's car was still warm from the heater that was previously on. San nibbled on his lip as he thought for a second.

"I'd do anything with you," San whispered and Jongho couldn't resist the urge to kiss him again, wanting to feel him closer than they've ever been before.

_"basic takes it's toll on me. 'ventually, 'ventually, yes."_

"America? Jongho, are you insane?" San asked exasperatedly as he stared at Jongho in shock. Jongho shrugged from the other end on the bed that he sat on, the dim lamp in the corner being the only source of light.

"Not everyone has their life paved out by their parents like you San. I... I need to get out of here. I want to go somewhere in life," Jongho fired back, his hands unconsciously gripping the streets beneath him

"America is a big deal. It's a whole new lifestyle and you're only eighteen . Can you handle that?"

"Are you saying that I can't?" 

San inhaled, closing his eyes for a brief second before running his fingers through his hair. "I just don't want you to crash and burn when you have so much potential,"

Jongho looked down for a moment before looking back up. "I already bought my plane ticket. I'm leaving in three days. Stop me if you want to, but either way, I'm still leaving. I don't want to be trapped here anymore," And then he stood up to leave. San didn't have the strength to stop him.

_"you're tired of moving, your body's aching. we could vacay, there's places to go"_

"I can't do this," San blurted out as they rode on their usual drive, thick tension in the air. Jongho already knew what he was going to say.

And the fact that Jongho could read San like a book proved how hard this was going to be.

"Do you think long distance would work? I mean, I'm graduating this year and going to college, you'll be in America with a completely different time zone,"

Jongho was quiet for a moment as he stared out of the window. "You want to break up," Jongho spoke more as a fact and less like a question.

San sighed, shaking his head. "I don't _want_ to. You know that Jongho,"

Jongho blinked a few times before speaking. "It makes sense. A relationship wouldn't really work,"

"So... This is it, huh?" San spoke quietly, glancing at Jongho for a little too long.

"I guess it is,"

_"it's just a skull, that's what they call it and we're free to roam"_

The words "Flight to Los Angles, America is now boarding" echoed through the entire airport. Jongho slowly woke up, rubbing his eyes a bit as he stood up, slinging his carry on bag over his shoulder. He pulled his cap down lower to hide his dark circles and tired eyes. He'd been up all night, torn.

He didn't want San to show up at the airport to say goodbye. It'd just make everything 10 times harder, but deep down he hoped to at least catch a glimpse of him, just to know that he wasn't the only one who still felt this way.

He still liked San, if not loved, and he was stupid enough to never tell San those three words that might've convinced himself to stay. But he was young and dumb and now Jongho felt like absolute shit for leaving him so abruptly.

He could've heard San say those three words back and his heart would've done that flip thing, where his insides melt and he wanted nothing more than to hold San in his arms forever and never let go. 

He didn't even give San time to say a proper goodbye.

A call of his name snapped him out of his thoughts making him quickly turn around, eyes widening. There San stood in Jongho's favorite hoodie, cheeks flushed and eyes wide as he stared back into Jongho's. Jongho was frozen as San got closer and closer to him until he was standing right in front of Jongho. Jongho couldn't help but admire the usual sweet scent of San, almost like vanilla ice cream and Jongho felt a tug on his heartstrings.

"You didn't tell me your flight was this early. I wanted to say goodbye," San's voice was quiet and Jongho wanted to drop everything and kiss him forever.

"Oh, my bad. I just-"

"Wait, I have something to say," San paused for a moment, almost asking Jongho for permission before closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath. "Choi Jongho, I think I love you. No, scratch that, I _do_ love you. Yeah, I know you hate that word, but I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time. I don't know if telling this will make you change your mind and to be honest, it probably won't, but I just wanted you to know. I love you smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hair, your personality, your... everything and I don't expect you to say I love you back because you probably don't but-"

San was cut off by Jongho's lips crashing against his. Both of their minds went blank. the kiss held everything Jongho couldn't say in words and it warmed their bodies to the core. This was meant to be.

But it just couldn't.

Jongho finally pulled away, staring at San, The older's lips were glossy and his eyes twinkled with something Jongho couldn't read. But all Jongho knew was that "I love you too."

"The last call for boarding the flight to Los Angeles, America," the intercom sounded making Jongho's heart drop. This was officially the end.

"But I have to go now... Bye, San," Jongho spoke just above a whisper, not able to look the older in the eyes. 

Jongho really wished that he turned around half a millisecond sooner so he would've missed the sight of a tear rolling down San's cheeks, leaving a trail of water behind his unblemished skin. And now Jongho had to live with the guilt of him knowing that he broke Choi San's heart.

But it's okay because no matter how hard he tried, San wouldn't stop loving him and frankly, Jongho wouldn't stop loving San either.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think! comments and kudo are greatly appreciated <3
> 
> come interact with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/strawbbun)!!!


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